Tuesday, March 11, 2008


A Letter to Eliot Spitzer

Dude.

A ton of ink has been spilled, already, on your stupid zipper moment: How law-and-order types are invariably heavy-breathing hypocrites. How you've set the cause of government reform back 20 years. How powerful men can't keep it in their pants. How you're roadkill in the Justice Department's illegal wiretap war on Democrats.

There are so many valid (and stupid) points to be chewed upon, and the mighty termites of the fourth estate are masticating busily as we speak.

But if we may, we'd like to ask a question that no one seems to have considered.

You paid HOW MUCH?

Seriously, bro. Like, four grand and change for a hooker? The AP says you might've spent as much as 80 large, all told.

OK, maybe you're a specialty client, and you're into some crazy shit. But you're in New York, where no request is too unusual! Isn't there any competition in that market? We gotta know: How is it that you were ready to pony up that kind of cheddar? Isn't the prevention of waste and fraud your specialty? And we hate to press the point, for all kinds of reasons, but you, of all people, paying retail?

We believe you could get the full menu for no more than five Benjis, and that's just on Craigslist.

You might still have been caught, but at least you wouldn't look like such a chump.

Sincerely yours,
The Very Hot Jews

9 comments:

Julietta said...

Yeah, we actually were asking that very question here in NY tonight. A bunch of us women friends got together for dinner and the first question was, "What could she POSSIBLY have done for $4,400?"

The Minstrel Boy said...

i talk with a high ticket palm springs escort

she 'splains it.

Bookfraud said...

it's not that you couldn't get a hooker do do whatever he wanted for less than $4,000, it's because he dug spending 4 grand on a hooker. because he could. i imagine that's part of the turn on, besides the part involving the actual boning and such.

found your blog via katie schwartz. very cool. or very hot, as you may prefer. almost enough to make me want to live in l.a.

jewgirl said...

Each and every post makes me fall in love with the Very Hot Jews more and more.

I am dying to know what his kinks are. I'm sure hookereeena will spill sooner than later.

Eebie said...

Marvelously put ... shit, I always liked the fight in Spitzer, but he didn't see m to fight for social justice regarding his tab with the the Jersey girl.

Truthfullly, I am a bit devistated. I voted for him as I liked his bravado, his tenacious spirit and his unabashed will to kick ass and take that on as a campaign. We need people who have his fighting spirit.

At the same time, I have a world of compassion for his wife, their girls and what is to come of them all.

Doreen Orion said...

I've also been hung up on what he paid, but for a different reason: I suppose this makes me a paranoid (rather than a very hot) Jew, but all I could think was, "You're a zillionaire and you had to bargain her down???"

Alana said...

Awesome post!

Mariah's Mom said...

I am not sure if you read this, but this is for Sera. We went to High School together. I would love to hear from you.

JinxSight/Nate/Jinx said...

Oh man, I just discovered this blog, albeit accidently through clicking random things (I tend to do that) and I gotta say this is some funny shit. Way to go and right on the spot. Mad funny.