(a year-end howdy from the female half of us)
I know I’ve said it before but this time I mean it. October hit and I suddenly had drafts due for three different projects at the same time. (Including a movie, which I found out is supposed to be kind of long.) If I'm bragging, it's mostly about how stupid my scheduling was.
When have I ever written this much? Funny you should ask. The last time I was this prolific was longhand in my diary, the month my boyfriend cheated on me, summer after the 11th grade. I had a lot of angry poetry to get out of my system. This is different, though. Because, you know, paycheck. And spellcheck. And nothing rhymes, praise be to Allah. And I am to being single as naughty little shoplifting fat kids are to candy stores with sleepy cashiers: relishing the timing and smirking at my luck.
But I totally way frickin' digress. Hi. It's me, Sera. I didn’t want to let 2008 go without at least saying sayonara to my UberHot Brethren. Sistren. Whatevren.
Also, I wanted to warn you about that movie The Reader. I’ve been living in a spiderhole, so I had no idea what it was about, and I wish to God someone had told me before I settled in with a pal and a plate of sushi to watch a screener DVD.
SPOILER ALERT! After an act that’s AWESOME, ‘cause it’s all about a chick in her thirties fucking an uncomfortably hot ostensibly fifteen-ish year old boy, Kate Winslet turns out to be a FULL ON NAZI. It squicked me to the max, so, public service: SS officer. I had to wash my whole self, twice. Ew. Yeah, I know, that's a problem but I apparently have no problem whatsoever with women fucking boys half their age. In my defense, I’ve been told by more than one man to whom this happened that a) it rocked and b) it was like sex college. (Also, um... Kate's not much older than me. So let's not be too hasty with the whole "old" nomenclature.) Okay, enough of that. The movie was good. Kate Winslet is a genius. Who else would make you feel sorta kinda ambivalent (or at least less than outright murderous) about a NAZI PRISON GUARD who let two hundred people burn to death in a locked barn? Give the woman a fucking Oscar already, for the love of all that's decent. Onward.
Alrighty then: 2008, ending. On a note of exhaustion. I told you at the beginning of the year we were gonna be Dancing It Out. Remember that? All that time ago? Not to get all... Shania Twain, is it? No, LeAnne Womack, sorry... on you, but I Hope You Danced, too. Did you? If so, wasn't it great? Told you.
As for the Theme For 2009… I dunno yet. Got any suggestions? I've been tossing around a few ideas. Tempting to wrap some form of Obama reference in, but look, it's my belief that you and I, the Spicy Hot and Jewy (or Not) shouldn't depend on a politician for hope, inspiration, and general joie de vivre in the new year. No, we should depend on Singing At The Top Of Our Lungs Like The Whole Damn World Is Our Shower. Or, Bringing Back The Mixtape. Year Of The Roadtrip -- even if we only get from Santa Monica to Van Nuys? Year Of The Dog, where we all start acting more like Mojo, since he clearly has it all figured out and may well be our greatest teacher? Year Of Talking Less? (Doubtful.) Hmmm. I’ll ruminate, you ruminate, let’s meet back here to make it official.